It was a quiet Sunday morning in a certain neighbourhood in which a nearby church wouldn’t let us escape hearing the Gospel whether we came to church or not. That is why God created loudspeakers and megaphones, after all. I totally do not recall anything else that the good pastor said before he got to the part where he said, “The Lord said someone should bless us with N50,000 and after this, watch God will do in your life”.
Where I come from, usually at this point, we ask, “The Lord who?” But I digress.
N50,000 may not sound like much to you, but this was a poor neighbourhood. The chances that anyone in that environment would have N50,000 hidden or saved up somewhere were very slim. Anyway, after a few minutes of motivating the congregation and not getting any response, he reduced the amount to N30,000. Don’t forget that it was the Lord who said N50,000.
But surely, someone in that neighbourhood would be able to borrow or rob their employer of a mere N30,000 to give to the church.
Eventually, he got 6 people to give N2,000 each. Six people? But the Lord said “somebody”. Singular. Oh, well. Eventually, he got 4 more people to give another N2,000 each. One really blessed soul gave N5,000. My horrible arithmetic skills tell me he raised N25,000 that the Lord in His mercy finally decided to accept from the poor folk who came to church this blessed morning.
The people tried. Either the Lord has started lying or the pastor is just a swindler. And an amateur at that. He ended up N25,000 shy of what the Lord initially asked for, and N5,000 shy of the rebased amount. He needs to go take lessons. Preferably from someone the calibre of that Cashflow fellow.
PS: Of course, this special fund-raising session was followed by time for collecting the tithe, and after that offering time. Praise the Lord, somebody!