Someone sent me an interesting article via WhatsApp this morning. It contains a very practical approach to handling differences in relationships and marriage, so I thought to share some excerpts here. I hope you find it as inspiring as I do.
The Price Of Peace
Many years ago I listened to a preacher share about how his wife would leave the television on at night and sleep off and they lived in a country where you pay based on how long you keep the TV on. Leaving the TV on therefore increases the television bill.
That attitude of his wife would annoy him and he was always angry at his wife for doing that yet it continued. It was obvious it was going to become a strain in the marriage.
Then one day the Holy Spirit asked him, “Is your marriage not worth fifty dollars extra at the end of the month? If this attitude of your wife will mean an extra bill of fifty dollars is it too much to pay for peace to be in your marriage?”
A friend told me this: In some homes, the wife is the one who goes to the kitchen to heat up water for the family to bathe. I guess it comes naturally with women. He said “In my home, heaven help me if I wait for my wife to do that. I will wait for a long time. So I have resolved to make that my responsibility.
Even with the kids I will still have to be the one doing that in the morning because my wife is not a morning person. If that is the price I have to pay for peace to be in my home, it is worth it. We are talking about the price of peace.”
One of my friends shared with me how his wife will never monitor the fuel gauge when driving. It is when the car finally stops that she realizes the car has run out of fuel. Guess who she will call? The husband. He will have to be the one to sort out the problem.
After several of such calls he had to find a way around it. He ensures the fuel tank is full at the beginning of the week which will take the wife through the week. That way he does not get any phone call that the car has stopped. It is the price of peace for him.
When I was working on this article I requested that people share some of the prices they have had to pay to maintain peace in their homes. I got a lot of responses that revealed that no marriage is perfect. The reason we see certain marriages as better than ours is because the parties in those marriages are ready to pay certain prices to maintain peace in their homes.
Let me share a few of the responses I got.
“I usually don’t turn off the lights in a room when I’m done using it. At the beginning of my marriage hubby will tell me to always make sure I do that when exiting the room, but after correcting me several times without change, he decided to just check back anytime I leave a room and will help turn the lights off. He just stopped complaining and started helping me do it. Eventually, I had to determine in myself to be more aware and I’ve gotten better doing that.
“I don’t pressurize my husband to do or not to do anything, especially something he really wants to, or really doesn’t want to do. Putting pressure on him will only irritate him. I keep quiet and I pray instead. That way, I have peace and also get what I want. On the other hand, my husband will always hang the mosquito nets, switch off the lights and unplug my phones, because I always sleep off. He has stopped complaining. He will do the job instead.”
-Paulina Saviour Inyang
Those were just a few of the several responses I got about the price of peace that people are paying in their homes. A lot of other people were encouraged when they saw that they were not alone. You think you are the only one having an issue until you listen to others.
Sometimes we need to do things we don’t like for the sake of peace. If it is not too high a price then why not just do it and move on with our lives? Not every battle is worth fighting.
Peace Or War?
Interesting story, no? There are people who just seem bent on turning everything into a fight if they do not have their way or the picture-perfect ideals of marriage are not upheld.
The truth is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to marriage. Your partner will act different from what you like or prefer in quite a number of areas. You can adapt to the situation and embrace peace or you can fight to the bitter end. Your call.
You can be fluid and find a way around it, or you can insist that things have to be done a certain way or it is the highway. I keep saying that tolerance is not a negative word. To enjoy any relationship that lasts, you will need some measure of tolerance.
No; this article is not about enduring abuse. None of the examples given by the writer of the story is about abuse. Differences. This is about persistent, grating differences between two good people who care about one another. That’s what this is about.
Lastly, I ran several Web searches to find the source of this story and to the best of my knowledge, this article by Kelvin Amurun is it. If you find that someone else is the true copyright owner, do let me know so I can adjust this credit line. I shared only excerpts from the full article here, so feel free to click the link to go read the full item.