Short Story: Mister Sweet Mouth with the E-Class

I was walking back home late one evening a few days ago. It was the kind of night that one savoured the cool breeze, and I was dressed just for it. I had on a bum short and a low neckline blouse. It was dark and I wasn’t expecting any attention. Actually, I had just seen Le Boo off and was giddy with memories of our time together.

I was two streets away from mine when a black Mercedes Benz E-Class Mercedes cruised past me. It was one of those futuristic-looking models that resembled the Batmobile. At least the head lamps gave that impression. I remember smiling to myself as it cruised by silently. I love powerful cars. Just as the sly smile was fading off my face, I noticed the same car reversing back. When it got just behind me, it stopped and then began to follow me slowly.

I knew that move. Classic. The time was right, and it was weather for two. Bold, lonely bachelors would be on the prowl for lonely wild spinsters. Or some other scenario that made a man want a random lady. I kept walking. Seeing that I wasn’t stopping, the driver of the Benz pulled over to the side of the road. I kept walking and was already well down the street before he got down. But the determined dude jogged up to me shamelessly.

This was my neighbourhood and it was still quite alive at that time of the night. Boys were everywhere. I could swear that some of them were watching the little drama already. I assured myself that I was in no danger. When he finally caught up with me, he had a charming smile fit for a Macleans advert plastered on his face.

‘Please don’t slap me, but those jugs of yours are quite impressive,’ he said.

‘Thank you!’ I replied with my own version of a CloseUp advert smile. Perhaps it was what Le Boo did to me earlier. I was in a very flirtatious mood.

‘Can I walk with you?’

‘If you don’t mind.’ I replied politely.

And so, we walked on. He was all chatty, gesturing, and quite comical. He had a laughter that rang bright in my ears. I liked him already. We rushed through the mandatory introductory chitchat. He would not stop referencing my “impressive” jugs at intervals. All through it all, I was smiling and grinning from ear to ear.

We got to the corner of my street, at which point I requested that he take his leave. He was polite and agreed to that, but quickly requested for my mobile number. I collected his mobile device – a Lumia 640XL. Hmmmm. I was quite impressed. I punched in my number and said goodnight with a smile. He returned the smile and strode off.

I turned and walked towards my street, smiling to the ground and silently wishing that I didn’t have to report to the office the following day, when I felt a hand on my arm. It was Mister Sweet Mouth.

‘You gave me a wrong number!’ He cried out in exasperation.

I was perplexed. How? Did I punch in the numbers wrong? Whatever, it was, I called out the number again and it was a match. He told me he had called it and it was unavailable. Sigh.

‘Nobody in my life works with PHCN or owns a filling station. Sorry, no power to charge,’ I said to him.

He looked at me and shook his head. ‘I actually have my generator tank full, would you come charge at my place?’

My thoughts immediately went to Le Boo’s last words before he departed ‘Many babes would be snatched this season over this “no Petrol” issue…’

Mbanu. “No; thank you,” I said to Mister Sweet Mouth.

To be continued.

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