Mister Mo does a treatise on his journey to self awareness with regards his dilemma of friendship and intimacy – the dilemma of a man who is great to love, yet hard to love..
A tweet inspired this post, and must be given due credit:
Great at friendship; bad at intimacy – can you relate?
— K10 (Egbon Ben10). (@koye10) November 15, 2017
Yes; I can relate. All my friends swear that I am a great friend. I will support a friend, run around the world for them, and often deny myself the simplest of pleasure and comfort to be there for them. Do you want that person who genuinely takes pleasure in the progress of his friends and actively works for it wherever he can? That is me. I also do not get jealous, envious or threatened even where and when my friends overshadow or outshine me.
Great To Love
No doubt, that is a very attractive profile to almost anyone. But it is a trap – at least in my case.
The problem starts when things get intimate. Intimacy ruins things. It isn’t exactly the way it sounds. The problem is my personal space. While I am a great friend, I have very serious quirks up close. Intimacy removes that buffer space that exists in friendship.
I carry all my great attributes as a friend into an intimate relationship, but my significant other also now has to deal with all these other stuff that outsiders and friends are shielded from.
I enjoy my personal space. Sometimes, I want to be alone to myself and my thoughts. I withdraw from the world and just enjoy being with my thoughts and fantasies and moods. Plus, I am extremely logical, even when the other person would prefer the warmth of emotion. And I do not take to those who, in the name of loving me, seek to bend me to their will or to their preferences.
Not So Great To Love
As I found out over time, all these traits are difficult for many people to deal with in intimate relationships. The results are drawn-out clashes.
While working on this article, I sent the draft to an old friend to review. Here is her unedited response:
“Yes. You did capture a whole lot of you, if not all of you. You are great to love. Yet hard to love“.
All those who have ever gotten close enough to me have each shared a similar sentiment. I agree with the description. This is unarguably me.
It took me a long time to learn it. It took lots of water under the bridge to come to this point of self awareness. But self awareness is bae. We get into trouble when we deny who we are and try to fit in scenarios not suited to our make-up. Discover yourself and embrace it.
Are you like me – great at friendship but bad at intimacy, or are you the opposite? Or perhaps you are one of the blessed ones who are a fair balance of both? Let’s hear your story.