It is Friday, and I am thinking you all could do with some distraction from work and stress after a hectic week. After reading this, you should have something to look forward to for the weekend.
If I am going to be addressing the subject of orgasms, perhaps it is a good thing to define what an orgasm is right now. People who went to school define an orgasm as the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual tension during the sexual response cycle, due to a function of your involuntary or autonomic nervous system, resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region and muscular spasms in multiple areas of the body, all characterized by intense sexual pleasure. A mouthful.
I didn’t go to school, so I define an orgasm as that sexual explosion during which your body is suddenly possessed by intense pleasure and yanked out of your control, twitching, jerking, thrusting and going rigid in no particular order. The definition will do you no good though if you have never experienced one. This is pudding, and there is nothing else to it but to taste it. Orgasms are so good that sometimes, people cry out in pleasure. Some others don’t utter a word though. I think that is no fun.
One of the wonderful things about sexual activity is the power and fulfillment that a partner derives from knowing that the other person finds them attractive enough to want them. That age old desire to be wanted is going nowhere. We all have it, and it rears its head in our relationships, including sex. There is that good feeling you get from knowing that you have a particular effect on someone. Having spoken to scores of people in over 17 years, there is no doubt that this is a general trait among humans (with the caveat that there are always exemptions to the rule).
Great sex – sex that is fun – is one in which both partners are uninhibited in expression. If it feels good, you express it. If it feels awesome, you express it. Body movements. Vocal/audio feedback too. It does wonders, both for you doing the expressing and for your partner who is tantalizing you. Have you ever had your partner moan and call out your name while you were doing something nice and nasty to them in bed? How did it feel? You almost felt like a god (or a goddess); right? The euphoria. The giddiness. It is like conducting a choir rendering a beautiful piece. Or like painting a masterpiece. Or like the feeling that an expert driver has when in a powerful car that responds appropriately. It is powerful. And it makes you fly without wings.
Also, in my work with people with sexual issues over the years, inhibited people find out that they enjoy sex better when they learn to be expressive. Before coming to me, they insisted on the missionary and were as silent as nuns praying in church. After the makeover, they found that being expressive was a joy they had missed out on.
Silent sex is no fun. A silent orgasm? Worse. As a matter of fact, I think that a silent orgasm is selfish. Why should your partner do such a good job of arousing you, loving your body and driving you crazy in sexual pleasure, and you end up enjoying the icing on the cake all by yourself? You deprive them the joy of sharing in that moment. That sucks. You deprive them of the euphoria. What? Why would you do such a thing? If your partner has to always ask whether you climaxed or not, you are too inhibited. There. I said it.
No. No. No! I am not asking you to become a nuisance to the neighbours or to your kids. Don’t go screaming, “Yes! Yes! Ooooh yes! You’re killing me! I’m coming!” with kids are around. “Mommy, why was dad trying to kill you last night? And where were you going? What were you arguing about?” It really doesn’t matter what you say while in the throes of intense sexual pleasure, the kids will ask a barrage of questions. Which reminds me of something: many times, couples have the best sex before their first child arrives, and after that it is down the hill all the way. It doesn’t have to be like that, but that is a subject for another article.
For the purposes of clarity, when I say a silent orgasm, the opposite of it is not a noisy one. The opposite of a silent orgasm is an expressive one. If you are not on a holiday in a condo out in the wild and kilometres away from the closest neighbours, or if you are not in a sealed room with the air conditioner chugging along, and the home theatre playing to muffle your sounds, thou shalt not be overly expressive. Thou shalt not scream.
So, give expressive sex a try. Certainly get expressive during an orgasm. Letting your partner know when you are climaxing is a loving thing to do. It involves them in your moment of glory. It is making them a part of the most intense emotions and feelings that you have ever had. And if your partner is really thoughtful and good, letting them know when you dive off the cliff can mean that they can do one or two things to prolong those few moments of pleasure, or to intensify the experience and make it even more awesome. This is true for both genders. Both men and women need to be expressive in sex to make the best of it. Call it enhanced communications. Why not? After all, your senses are on fire while in the act.
Remember, being expressive doesn’t mean you have to be lousy or inconsiderate of your environment. Where necessary, which will be often, you can still whisper the most passionate things to your partner, instead of shouting. After all, you are locked together and have zero space between your bodies. You can have the most intense and expressive sex in the bedroom, kitchen or shower without anyone else in the house hearing a thing. Hint of the day: Do try the shower – and keep the water running.
There. I am not sure that I made any sense to you, after all I am that old nutter who loves to think that he knows.