“No honey; I don’t feel like it” [A Wedding Reception Story]

Recently, I was honoured to chair the reception party at a wedding here in Lagos. Everyone knows that wedding guests really do not give a hoot for speeches, much less the chairman’s speech. No-one wants to hear the chairman’s speech at any occasion. Every time I had attended a wedding reception, I wondered why the chairmen ever bothered. Now, here I was on the spot. Whatever it was, I decided I wasn’t going to give a speech. So, what did I do?

two hearts

When called up and handed the microphone for the chairman’s speech, I announced that I knew no-one wanted to hear a speech and offered to tell a short story instead. I observed that this got people’s attention immediately and they quietened a bit. Then I told them this brief, engaging and hilarious story:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every man on the planet dreads to hear, “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in bed?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited.

She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?”

I then said “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Everywhere in the reception hall, people laughed their hearts out and I got a good ovation. I thanked the guests, handed the mic back to the MC and went back to my seat. It was a short story. It was comedy. It was engaging. And it had a message. Weeks after that wedding, I was still receiving feedback on that story. I doubt that the guests will forget it. On the other hand, if I had delivered a speech…

I have always believed that we are a story-telling culture. Our people love stories. I have always enjoyed telling great stories – written or oral, and I intend to continue to explore how our love of stories can be deployed in a wide range of scenarios.

Summary
Article Name
"No honey; I don’t feel like it" [A Wedding Reception Story]
Description
Recently, I was honoured to be chairman at a wedding reception here in Lagos. and in lieu of a speech, I told a hilarious story.
Author
Publisher Name
House Of Mo

28 Comments

  1. Chico December 19, 2012
    • mrmo December 20, 2012
  2. @nelsonisibor December 19, 2012
  3. spacyzuma December 19, 2012
  4. Emmanuel Olalere December 19, 2012
    • mrmo December 20, 2012
  5. Ayodele December 20, 2012
  6. Lammy December 20, 2012
  7. Lammy December 20, 2012
    • mrmo December 20, 2012
  8. martinkem December 20, 2012
    • mrmo December 20, 2012
  9. Noni December 20, 2012
    • mrmo December 20, 2012
  10. Olaryeankarh December 20, 2012
  11. andy December 20, 2012
  12. Noni December 20, 2012
  13. mrmo December 20, 2012
  14. Wonderfull December 21, 2012
    • mrmo December 21, 2012
  15. isoken December 22, 2012
    • mrmo December 22, 2012
      • isoken December 22, 2012
  16. mrmo December 22, 2012
  17. isoken December 22, 2012
  18. Kamo Emmanuel Kamo December 22, 2012
  19. Christianne November 3, 2013
  20. femi June 20, 2015

Add Comment