The side chick: judged by all, loved by a few

There is a story most side chicks don’t get to tell. The story goes like this: Side chicks are easy to judge, until you’re one”.

I know the downsides to writing something like this and I am not apologetic about it in the least bit. If someday, I decide to run for elective post in this great country of ours and you decide you want to blackmail me with this article, rest assured, I have something worse on you. B613 things.

First, I think that women put themselves under unnecessary pressure by reasoning that if they do everything right, their man won’t cheat on them. I find it unrealistic. Same thing for men. It is possible to do all the right things and still get cheated on. Having said that, I also find those who say people cheat because they are cowards a little bit idiotic. Pardon my language.

The rule of generalisation doesn’t apply anywhere, more so here. Someone cheating is often as a result of multiple factors which I am not going to enumerate, since the reasons are usually exclusive to the cheater.

To also say, “If you’re unhappy in your marriage, just get a divorce” is very much careless at best, and ignorant at worst. Walking out of a marriage is not the same thing as walking out of the mall, but I am guessing that many people are not intelligent enough to figure that out. Whether you see it or not, people who cheat are often trying to do what is right by them – to look for a respite from a distressing situation. We label them the outcasts of the society and worse, we see the ones who accept them as they are as being the demons. No; they are not. I dare say they are angels. Yes; side chicks are often angels.

Because we want to feel good with ourselves… Oh no. Please scratch that. Because we won’t feel good with ourselves until we make other people feel horrible about themselves, we come up with the “side chick” mantra. We assume that because we have convinced ourselves that they are demons, their actions are anything but good. But hey, dear high and mighty, the controller-of-your-corner-of-the-room-you-call-universe, I put it to you that you are absolutely wrong.

Are side chicks bad people? I very much doubt it. They are often good people, with feeling, emotions, needs, and wants, just very much like everyone else. The only difference is this: they are saving lives, one affair at a time. It is the side chick who keeps him away from the brink of insanity. It is the side chick who hears him out and gives him an environment of peace when his wife gives him hell at home. She, the side chick, the publicly demonized one, is often the hero. She is the reason his children still get to see him every day.

I think that society owes these women profound gratitude for helping traumatised men keep their sanity intact. Side chicks are caregivers. They are not bad people. Feel free to go ballistic now. You’re allowed.

Side chicks (for the sakes of who stubbornly see them this way) are not some frigid, conservative, judgemental humans who only see things in black and white. Life is nothing but several shades of gray! Side chicks accept that. And they choose to add other colours to it. That’s why they are much more balanced than those who only see the black or the white colours of life. That’s why they often are a place of succour.

Very often, side chicks are not even in a man’s life because of sex or money, though sex and money get involved. No romance without finance. But those things are hardly ever the first step in affairs. Usually, the affair is never deliberate, but eventually they fill a vacuum. But if the sex is good, who is complaining?

Lastly, seeing that the vast majority of men who end up with side chicks were men who years earlier would slap you if you suggested to them that they see someone else besides their woman, and seeing that many women who become side chicks were women who had sworn by the gods that they would never, ever roll with a man who is already taken, it looks to me like the joke is on everyone else.

Ruby

Ruth Olurounbi is a versatile journalist with the Nigerian Tribune. She is the Director of Entrepreneurship+ and Editor of #CSR.

18 thoughts on “The side chick: judged by all, loved by a few

  1. Yay!!! + 10000000…. to infinity.
    Let the ballistics roll. I am glad someone somewhere sees a different angle to this. Thanks ma’am. A daa fun yin.

  2. Side chicks is something like the second wife who helps senior wife out, yeah? Except she’s not in the same house and senior wife doesn’t know about her.

    I won’t talk about rightness or wrongness. I’ll just say, as with everything else in life, don’t judge.

    1. Side chicks is something like the second wife who helps senior wife out, yeah? Except she’s not in the same house and senior wife doesn’t know about her.

      Enajyte, accurate definition 🙂

  3. I Think This Article Is Like A One Way Traffic. Side Chicks Are Being Painted As Do Gooders Who Bail Out The Unhappy Man Who Needs Succor Elsewhere.

    The Article Starts Up On The False Premise That There Aren’t Chicks That Specialize In Grabbing Whoever Looks Shiny, No.Minding That The Man Is Taken Already..

    Excuse Me.. That’s A Load Of Xyz If You Would Pardon This Pidgin .

    Without Going Religious, It Is Just Plain Wrong To Roll With Somebody Else’s Husband, Or Wife. Society Frowns At It, And Am Sure If That Side Chick Gets Caught With Somebody Else’s Husband, She Would Likely Be Unable.To Feel Very Proud Of Her Shameful Act..

    Sure, There Are Randy Men Who Like To.Play Both Away And Home Matches. The Intending Side Chick Could Look For Available Unmarried.Men, Not So, And Perhaps Learn How To Say… No?

    You Need A Man, Don’t Go Grabbing, Or Get Grabbed By, Another Woman’s Husband, Otherwise Your Daughter Would Likely Suffer That Same Fate, Some Day… Nemesis, Retributive Justoce, Whatever.

    So Let’s Call What’s Wrong, Wrong, Not Glorify Philandering…

  4. When I cheated on my girlfriend, it just happened. I didn’t plan it and I had always thought a girl was too much wahala, much less two girls so I was non-approving of guys with more than one woman. Fast forward to years later, it turns out I find myself in the same shoe.

    At the end of the day, circumstances dictate who we are not our personal principles.

    But I will suggest that rather than go out, just try and fix whatever was wrong in the first place when you see yourself having a side chick. My side chick saga cost me a lot, from my girlfriend to my job. So just try and fix the main chick.

    Think of the side chick as panadol to malaria (not headache), slight relief but you still need something in the range of Amalar or Arthemeter for it to go away totally.

  5. For all the ladies approving this article, are you all side chicks? Like she said “it is possible to do all the right things and still be cheated on”. I hope you all are ready for a side chick. I am not sure you will still be so approving…

    1. I hope you all are ready for a side chick. I am not sure you will still be so approving…

      Aha! This is where I have issues. Would we be so approving if the tables were turned on us? Considering though that sometimes it is a break down in the relationship that results in a side chick getting in the picture, that might not be much of a point across board. Still..

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