So, You Don’t Owe Your Husband Sex

For years, I have watched with sadness as the human race has turned on itself all in a bid to glorify and satisfy self. It has become one huge “Me” party, with individuals defining everything around themselves alone. I have never been a fan of the idea that nobody owes anyone anything. As far as I can tell, it is an irresponsible concept.

  • If you are my friend, you owe me some things, and I am indebted to you same way.
  • If you are my neighbour or colleague at work, you owe me some things, and I am indebted to you same way.
  • If you are my spouse, you owe me a lot more than anyone else does, and I am indebted to you same way.
  • If you even drive on the same road that I drive, you owe myself and other road users respect and carefulness, so you don’t put all our lives at risk. I am also indebted to you and other road users.

It is really a sense of responsibility. At least, that is how the world used to work for the most part. Without this web of debt that ties all of us together, things will quickly degenerate. Earlier today, I read with dismay something that a lady published. The summary of her exhortation to women is this (and I am using the exact words she used, though merging a few things into this summary):

Just because a man decides to commit to you, marry you, dedicate the rest of his life to you and raise and provide for a family with you, doesn’t mean he’s entitled to sex or that you owe him sex.

See how she uses that the man commits and dedicates his life to a woman, but then asserts that the woman does not owe him sex. Anyone can argue all they want, but the truth is that when you commit to someone, you enter into a debt. You owe them something, and they owe you something. In marriage, the core thing couples owe one another is sex. It isn’t something that is apart from the deal. Why is it that a spouse can eat outside, have his laundry done outside, do everything else outside, but if he has sex outside, all hell is let loose?

The filthy, sickening hypocrisy of this idea of not owing your husband sex is nauseating. It is plain irresponsibility. You owe him, and he owes you.

But it is okay, really. I have no problems with anyone taking any position that catches their fancy. They just need to understand that there are consequences for it. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Unmet needs will find a way to get met. I hope that wives who believe and embrace this “No Debt of sex” concept realise that their husbands do not owe them faithfulness either. News flash: there are many women outside who will gladly cook for your husband before sleeping with him and sending him home to you. And your sex-starved husband will gladly return to them again and again because you are not meeting his needs.

A man is biologically wired to have erections almost every day, and is sexually turned on visually. I do not think that the average woman has any idea what that feels like. A woman is biologically wired to be at her sexual peak for about only a week in a month – a window that revolves around her period, and coming up two weeks before menstruation. And she is not quite as visually stimulated as a man is. This isn’t the woman or the man’s fault. It is biology. Nature. God. Ascribe it to whatever you will, but it is the way it is.

No; the average woman has no idea what it feels like to be a man. If a woman has a husband who is committed to her and disciplined enough to even try to stick to her alone, it is a big deal. I said it. Quote me. The wife who is too selfish, self absorbed, and self centred to meet her husband’s sexual needs should be ready to share him with other women.

Then this has to be said, certain people (like in this case) keep portraying sex as something that a woman gives to a man. Absolute rubbish. Sex is two people giving themselves to one another. And in marriage, it is a mutual debt. It is not like during sex, he is hitting you on the head with a stick. He is giving you pleasure, for God’s sake! If you don’t like sex, do not marry unless you are prepared to let your partner go have it with someone who likes it. Or if your partner doesn’t like sex either (and that may change too over time, mind you). And if your husband isn’t giving you pleasure and you have talked about it again and again but he won’t man up, he is an irresponsible man. Go get a freaky lover if that will help you keep sane! Or get out of the marriage. Your choice.

But this silly idea that we do not owe one another anything… this very narrow-minded idea that a woman does not owe her husband sex… perhaps we need to take this irresponsibility to its logical conclusion, agree that no one owes anyone anything and kumbaya. And I mean no one and anything in every sense of the word. And then, let’s watch how fast this planet disintegrates.

Happy self worship, everyone. Ye are gods after all!

PS: I have since been informed that the quote that informed this article was a piece of satire. Good. Hopefully, this article then serves as reinforcement to her message. Thanks to everyone who pointed that out.


  1. sojitweets July 11, 2014
    • Mister Mo July 11, 2014
  2. Eye_Bee_Kay July 12, 2014
    • Mister Mo July 12, 2014
  3. Onyinye July 12, 2014
    • Mister Mo July 12, 2014
  4. Noni July 22, 2014
    • Mister Mo July 27, 2014
  5. ehis August 4, 2014
  6. Tolulope October 19, 2014

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