Yes; I typed those words, and I am not drunk.
Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have been caught dead typing such. Still, take time to hear me out.
You dream of love – you talk about it, tweet about it, even sing it. Everybody wants unconditional love. But it simply does not exist in the sphere of human beings.
The truth is that in intimate relationships, human beings act in their own best interest at every point in time. Human love is almost never unconditional. Quote me.
One lady argued this point with me. So, I asked her, “Will you marry a foolish man?” Of course, you can guess what her answer was. Her love wasn’t unconditional, otherwise a man’s level of intelligence wouldn’t be an issue. Human beings relate on the grounds of personal benefit.
I once lived in an Utopian state of mind – sacrificing for everyone and trying to live that ideal of unconditional love. But over time, I was shocked to find that people just kept acting in their own best interest per time. It took a series of events to shock me out of the delusions of “love”.
I learnt it late, but I have learnt it firmly: When someone says he or she loves you, they are saying that you have traits or resources that they find appealing or beneficial to them. You better make sure that they have traits and resources that are appealing or beneficial to you too before committing, or you would be left hanging out dry and wondering what happened.
Have you noticed how fast people who claim to love you betray you or distance themselves from you as soon as the picture changes a bit? Understand this, and you will never have to feel used again. The ideal of love that everyone wants is one that very few ever give or are ever willing to give.
You say that you love your partner unconditionally but break up with them should they have an affair. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you don’t believe what you say. If you loved them unconditionally, it shouldn’t matter what they do. You’d stay all the same. See?
How come everyone seems to know what true love is, but no-one seems to have found it? It exists only in our fairy tale worlds. Human love can never be 100% unconditional.
Learn to operate from a position of mutual benefit, and you will generally be safe.
It is not love. Rather, it is always personal interests and benefits. Sue me.